It’s not those who are part of the story, that make you fail! Who writes the stories of your life? Who should write the story of your life?
Does it really matter, who writes the story? We all know people, who talk about how they would have, but because someone else did something they could do nothing. And we envy those, who reach exceptional results. There is actually quite a paradigm, don’t you think? We know that there are people, who write their story and then we say that someone else wrote our story and that stopped us. We do write our story all the time. There are two main stories, only two. The most common story is about blaming others and the more rare story is about taking responsibility. The latter is more frightening, as that involves the risk of failure. Which our brain does not like.
The sole beneficiary of your story is you. “you get what you deserve” says the old proverb. You are worth of your story. Whether it is about getting a job, getting a promotion or succeeding as an entrepreneur. The thing, where we mostly get distracted, is that we are looking at and talking about our story from the past. But there is nothing we can do to change the past. We cannot re-live our past. What is important in your story, is your FUTURE. What kind of story are you going to make about your future? Your story needs to have the following elements; 1. where will you be in five years? 2. where will you be in one year? 3. what will you have accomplished in the next three months? 4. what will you have accomplished in one month? 5. what will you do this week? 6. what will you do today? 7. how will you give positive feedback to yourself on completion each of those 6 steps?
I hope you stopped for a moment on the point 7. Because that is the most important one! Your brain works of two main targets, protection and satisfaction. Protection is preventing us from expanding our life, satisfaction is activating dopamine which supports further doing of what we started. This means that there are two powers fighting against each other in your brain. Unless you feed and support the satisfaction, the protection will win. Positive feedback, celebration of completion is what supports you progress. You need to do it daily, because the protection is active every single day too! It is not about how huge party you set up, but about recognition of the thinfs done! Write your achievement on a little notebook, stop at the toilet and look at the mirror and give positive feedback to yourself. Choose the way that works for you, as long as you do it every single day!
We hear from the successful people, how they thank their team about the achievement. There is a very profound lesson to learn from that. The lesson is, that we as human beings are limited. Limited in time and in competences and skills. Success comes, when we dare to accept that and start to get the support we need. When we can outsource some of our work to others, then we can focus on our strengths and reach better results. Those people around us don’t write our story, or they shouldn’t at least. But without them, we cannot write our story as we should / could.
It’s not those who are in your team, that make you fail! Building a good story means that you need to be on look for resources all the time. Your life and to world around you is in constant change. Your team has taken you this far. How do you support your team to become more for the future? It is the next person joining your team or training your team, that makes the difference. Building your story of and for the future is about learning. It is about taking the past as starting point, not as an anchor.
Are you willing to take the responsibility of becoming the author of your life? Are you ready to give positive feedback to yourself every day? Even after the worst day ever? You may have heard top athletes say after failure “there is only one way, that is up. I need to practice better”. No-one succeeds every single time. We might not hear from the successful people about their failures. The don’t get stuck to those, they take those as lessons to learn. You choose how you write your future’s story from today’s events!
One element in writing the story for the future is about learning. You need to learn about yourself. If you fail with people or tasks, it is not because of them. It is because there was some knowledge and skill missing from you. You had not learnt that yet. Life is about learning, not about being successful every single moment. The most important lessons to learn are about ourselves. What supports and what prevents our way to our goal. Or even prevents us from setting a goal!
To learn about our personality, we have three options. 1. we just wait and watch what we see 2. we look at what happens and slowly try to learn from them 3. we have a coach / mentor who helps us to learn faster and the most important things. Having a coach or a mentor is not about letting them to write your story. A good coach / mentor helps you to see what really is preventing you and then you can write your story. All the time, when you listen to the people who has reached some significant milestones, you hear a story of a mentor or coach! Whether their success has been being a great father / mother or world class business person.
Get a coach / mentor, that takes you already a lot further, faster and more targeted! If you would like to talk about getting a coach or mentor, don’t hesitate to ask me for help. I’ve helped hundreds of people, use that knowledge for your benefit!
Your partner in making success happen, Kari I. Mattila, emotional intelligence advisor