|Time is something we can never get back! And that thought leads most of use to waste time!
|We are busy, we have a lot to do. So I will be doing this while I’m doing that and some other thing too. Our studies have shown, that multitasking kills your productivity. It leads to spending about 30 % more in total. 30 % more than what we would need when we are working focused. Not to mention that the number of mistakes do increase, from 10 % up! THAT IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! This productivity loss is naturally not nice. But in this thinking and the behavior coming out of that thinking, is something much more costly.
|Being busy with multiple things means that we are not present. Not being present for the other person means, that there will be a bigger demand for our presence in the near future. And if we keep on that habit, there will eventually be some kind of collapse on the long run. Sure you have seen the kids doing stupid things just in order to get their parents attention. You remember how someone at your work behaved madly. That can have been in order to get attention. Or having learnt that nobody cares = I’m not worth of anything –> why should I do something well / care about other people? Those people, to whom you could not allocate your presence for 100% for some minutes, are the ones who eat your time in the future. You might think right now ”well, but they are not satisfied with that few minutes”. You may well be right. The sad part is, that this is probably the outcome of you being busy earlier! Those longer moments these people need from you are just moments you didn’t give them in the past. Sorry to make you feel sad, bad or even angry. But before you drop this text, look at your past for 5 seconds. Can you remember a moment, when you would have wanted some attention from someone? Have you ever heard ”not now, I have more important things to do!”? How did they make you feel? What about, if this would be the beginning of a better world?
|We cannot make up to all those busy moments, when we didn’t give the time to other person, in one go. We shouldn’t even do that. Building the connection is about building trust. You want to build the trust, because that way you will actually gain more time to do your work, your hobbies and so on. To build the trust, lead yourself to better behavior. Just two things you need to do! First, there are times when you really cannot give the attention to the other person. There you need to have the practice of saying ”I’m sorry, I’m not able to give you my full attention, could we get together at (give exact time)?”. Keep that time for the person. The other thing to do is to practice to give your undivided attention for a little while. Start with 7 minutes. That is long enough, that the other person feels you are there. Short enough, that you actually can do it. The world doesn’t change over night! So make a plan to follow this rules for 5 weeks. Take a little notebook, and write after every day how you did, how you see the other person was feeling after these little slots of time, you gave them.
|Attention, meaning and feeling of being valuable, is what we all need and want. You too! Give it, and you will get it! It also means, that soon you will see how people are coming to get your attention less. They know that when they need it, they will get it. They will be more committed (even children at home will be more committed to doing homework) and you will accomplish more. With better results.
|Having no time, being so very busy, is actually killing your productivity and ruining your life. The most valuable thing we have is time. Dare to work to give time to yourself, to things that truly are important. Start with making sure, that the time you spend with other people is well spent.
|Leading our development through the fields of change is not always easy. Not knowing what the real emotional muscles to use often leads us in struggle and pain. Guidance from other people (”do this, I know it works”) is often doing more harm than good. As they are not you, you are not them. When you want to take a quantum leap in your development, take an assessment that will reveal your true strengths. Get a coach who will help you to find the best route to success.
|Your partner in making success happen, Kari I. Mattila, emotional intelligence advisor